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The People's Game |
"All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
Eric Linklater, Poet's Pub, 1929
“Alas...Smith and Jones” |
Welcome to the annals of ”Desperate” Denis Smith & “Luckless" Len Jones - the two most unsuccessful duffers in the history of the Game of Golf. And in all the tournaments they played, they never beat anyone. Except themselves! This made our two latter-day Hogans very popular - with everyone. Everyone, that is, except for the golf buffs and efficionados. They sought an audience with the Golf Guru who agreed to give them respectability, but first they had to prove they could be proper golfers. All they had to do was stay out of trouble on and off the golf course for a year and the Guru would give them success. But in the meantime they would still be Rabbits, because only the three of them would know about it. It would be their little secret.
Episode Thirty-One
Be Real
The all-seeing, all-hearing Guru
One of the essential pieces of the eminent golf Guru's advice we must all learn to follow is "In golf be real, not artificial." Desperate and Luckless always try to follow this advice, but sometimes to their cost. This week Desperate had an unwelcome visitor to the bar. The iceman had just departed when another man arrived. He was dressed in a tight shirted brown uniform and as he glanced at his copy "Rolex Oyster" watch he pushed his fake "Louis Vitton" sunglasses a little higher up his nose. Hooking his thumbs in his "real" Dior leather belt he shot a glance towards the pride of his life, his "Electra-Glide-in-Blue" lookalike motorcycle (aka Honda Splash) parked on the road outside. The world would be good to him today, he mused, as he could smell the paper stuff. His attention was caught by the sight of Desperate, sending an email, a skill recently mastered by our hero, as to him even the wheel is a fascination of design. "Hmmm, money!" A policeman's lot is not a happy one.
The officer, Khun Greesamai Parmaplees, immediately fingered Desperate's shoulder, reached for the cables and disconnected the electronic marvel, leaving Desperate to ponder a future behind bars in the Bangkok Hilton. He was arrested for heading a counterfeit goods gang and was immediately escorted to the Police Station with the incriminating evidence, his laptop containing two downloaded tracks from his favourite "Des O'Connor Sings the Best of the Sex Pistols" album and a single blurred image of an immodest yound lady from Chaiyapoom. Hours later, his wallet ß50,000 lighter as a result of bail, he returned to the OK Corral, a broken man, his innocent world in shreds at his feet. Fearing he was now being watched at every turn, the next morning at golf "check-in" he personally inspected every golfer for "copy" goods. Clubs were hastily replaced, wrist watches and baseball caps were ditched, even balls were checked. A silent iceman beat a hasty retreat.
Golf was different that day, as our photo shows. Not a fake or copy item in sight.
But the Guru would be happy with Desperate's work. Surely?
”I sure wish the Guru'd let a few more people in on our secret!”
(Desperate, OK Corral, 12th March, 2007)
